Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
