Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
