i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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