i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
