Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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