Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
