I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
