That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
