Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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