just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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