When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
