The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
