Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
