You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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