ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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