Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
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also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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