my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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