Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
