Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
