so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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