I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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