after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
