just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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