Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize