It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
