he shaved USA in his pubs
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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