Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
