Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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