The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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