You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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