Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You can't special order awesome
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
