He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
