Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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