Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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