in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
