just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
