I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
