I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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