Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
