the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
