the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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