just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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