So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
