the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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