textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
