Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
