So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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