If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
