I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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