ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
