We're like a lot better than the average bears
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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