Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
