My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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