We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
