It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
