i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
