I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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